Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities: Helping Your Child Cope with Adversity
It is an especially tough time nowadays because all of us are in a state of Covid fatigue as we continue to exist (read: survive) rather than live in a frightening period. Governments have applied various control mechanisms to force societal shutdown or lockdown impacting the quality of everyday normal living. Most adults work from home while children and youth are forced to do their learning online without their physical social interaction from school. Lack of physical activity outside the home has led to higher engagement with social media, use of video games, and other digital activities, resulting in increased tech addiction, according to health experts.
It has been well documented in studies by psychologists and sport sociologists that the natural characteristic of children and youth is to engage in physical activities, and informal or formal play (sports). In contrast, current public health restrictions have compelled children into social isolation depriving them of their natural tendencies. One could propose that these conditions constitute physical, emotional, and psychological harm and are actually a form of child abuse. I say this because the accessible information regarding the infection rate among the very young is still a much-debated factor. According to recent reports in the USA and Canada, pandemic health risks occur in the community at large not inside the classroom if health regulations and social distancing guidelines are followed. And… as we are now witnessing via the Media that Teachers’ Unions are actually in support of teachers refusing to conduct In-class learning!
Being physically idle and inactive has resulted in increased stress, anxiety, depression, and fear among the young. Depression brought on by social isolation is leading to disinterest by children in their environment or surroundings, creating a lack of motivation to focus on home-study learning, resulting in the inability to concentrate, and eventually leading to loss of empathy, lack of enjoyment, and loss of daily functioning.
Newest Statistics and Findings at this Critical Time:
The latest US statistics point to the fact children as young as 12 years are having suicidal thoughts, and actual suicides have risen dramatically.
For example, a December 2020 story in an Arizona newspaper, “With Teen Suicides on the Rise, Tucson Educators Struggle to Prioritize Mental Health,” describes a 67% increase in teen suicides in 2020 compared with 2019 in one county.
According to the US FOX News Report by Tucker Carlson, March 2, 2020, children are depressed and regressing in their mental health due to forced social isolation and school shutdown.
From March 2019 to March 2020, self-harm has risen among 13-18 year olds from 90 percent to 99.83 percent, according to US Insurance claims.
Northbrook, Ill: Jan. 7, 2021, 18-year-old Dylan Buckner took his own life due to depression exacerbated by the state’s pandemic lockdown measures. Dylan entered a hotel not far from his home and jumped to his death. His dad told The Epoch Times there is “no doubt in his mind” that the school closures and the state’s extended stay-at-home order aggravated and worsened Dylan’s mental health to the point of no return.
The teenage son of Dr. Laura Berman, famous sex therapist on Oprah Winfrey's TV network, died after what sounds like an accidental drug overdose (February 8, 2020).
Seeking medical help for drug overdose increased from 95% to 119 percent, March 2019 to April 2020.
Overdose deaths continued to spike in the Province of Alberta, Canada during the first two months of 2021 with opioid-related fatalities – 153 percent increase compared to January and February 2020.
Alberta Insurance claims for generalized anxiety disorder increased 93.6 percent of all medical claims over April 2019 while major depressive disorder claims increased 83.9 percent, and adjustment disorders by 89.7 percent.
According to a study by Dr. Marty Makary, Professor at John Hopkins University:
Children and youth seeking medical help for self-harm have increased by 91 percent and 63 percent for overdose.
Some parts of the US report a 300 percent increase of children and youth seeking medical help while hospitals report 23 percent of all emergencies are reported as mental illness complaints.
According to the report, kids are 10 times more likely to die of suicide than the Coronavirus.
Signs of Depression: (Hagemann, 2021)
Loss of interest in surroundings, environment and daily activities
Lack of enjoyment about any involvement, activity or undertaking
Lack of motivation
Lack of energy
Feeling of dejection
Signs of being listless
Moodiness
Lack of appetite
Lack of sleep
Signs of inner restlessness – physical, emotional, psychological
Massive bodily and psychological tension
Impact of Social Media
Moreover, the heavy use of social media may also be wrecking the mental health of our children and teens, according to reports by medical experts. UK researchers studied the digital habits of nearly 5,000 young people and found those who spent substantial time on social platforms displayed signs of negative self-esteem – with girls experiencing greater levels of hopelessness and depression compared to boys. Experts found however that physical activities, such as sports, appeared to have a ‘positive’ impact on the emotional well-being of teenagers of both genders. Our profession has always presented the argument that physical activity is beneficial to healthy living and academic achievement.
So, what does this have to do with self-esteem? Given our current situation, the self- esteem of all people - young and old - is heavily affected if not permanently damaged! Given this situation, some parents may think they can make sure their child has good self-esteem if they can shelter or protect them from stress, frustration, uncertainties and potential daily emotional setbacks. The opposite is true! The continual attempt to make the child happy, and to protect them from every potential unpleasantness most likely undermines their self-esteem. One cannot bestow self-esteem, but one can certainly help the child to develop it.
Things happening in the Schloder Neighbourhood Park
Isn’t it interesting that professional teams are permitted to continue to play under strict regulations but children are prohibited to do so? So, what can parents do to counter such regulations? They have to become creative! For example, there is a small playground with some equipment behind my house. Parents helped set up hockey goals to play grass hockey with tennis balls, a low Volleyball Net to play modified games with balloons. I donated several Hula Hoops, and kids and parents are ‘hooping it.’ The group also built a series of wooden ramps in a large circle so kids could ride their skateboards or bikes onto the ramps and jump off. All in all, the kids are busy during the afternoons – FUN and exercise in small groups!
Other Suggestions:
First, parents need to understand how self-esteem is developed. The child or athlete learns a given skill and then needs to be able to perform this skill with competence. In other words, they can do it at any time under any circumstance. The skill has achieved ‘automation.’ Possessing competency leads to self-esteem, which then leads to self-actualization (Bandura, 1977). That means, creating learning situations at home to challenge the child’s skill learning whether cognitively, physically or to deal with emotions, and providing recognition, praise; use performance scores out of 10, and reward with home-made ribbons or other forms of recognition.
Suggested Common Activities:
Design Math puzzles
Develop Vocabulary quizzes
Read Chapters in a book together; discuss content and meaning
Schedule and play a series of board games
Play Chess with the child to challenge logical thinking
Help the child develop a series of Fitness Exercises everyone can do at home
Have the child keep a Fitness Chart for everyone
Help the child set daily and weekly Goals
Encouraging the child to challenge itself and improve identified skills or talent (painting, music, etc.)
Giving the child chores and responsibilities appropriate to age and ability
Teaching the child that they are responsible for their own happiness and accomplishments
Providing emotional, psychological, and academic support
Strategies to Promote Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem During Online Learning
If you believe or feel that your child lacks self-esteem and/or self-confidence because of problems with online learning, you need to contact the teacher. If the child is having difficulty academically, perhaps the teacher can suggest ways to provide opportunities to improve the lacking self-confidence. For example, the child could be encouraged to work on projects that utilize their specific talent because school and academic achievement are very important in the development of self-confidence and self-esteem. By allowing the child a controlled amount of frustration, you are showing confidence in them. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should leave them alone to deal with a hopeless situation, as there are certainly times the child will need your assistance. You can continue to be concerned and involved while encouraging independence.
Other Suggestions:
Parent should create an environment at home that encourages the development of self-esteem. According to experts, the ingredients of such a home are:
Expressing love
Encouraging goal-setting
Communicating honestly
Encouraging independence
Defining family’s values
Creating security and stability
Establishing reasonable standards
Being consistent in your discipline
Creating opportunities for success
Expressing faith in your child’s abilities
Praising your child’s accomplishments
Requiring age-appropriate responsibility
Providing emotional and academic support
According to experts, if this approach is present in the home, the child feels more secure, will like and respect themselves, and consider themselves to be worthwhile and competent. If the child’s poor self-esteem is chronic they could be suffering from emotional problems. The reason needs to be examined in counseling or psychotherapy because serious self-esteem deficits do not disappear of their own accord. The child disliking and feeling poorly about themselves will most likely continue to feel this way throughout their life unless they receive help from a mental health professional. In that case, academic success will not provide them much enjoyment or satisfaction. If you get help before the bad feelings become permanent you will give the child a brighter future.
References:
Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. New York: W.H. Freeman.
Bandura, A. (1986). Social Foundations of Thought and Action. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.
Bandura, A. (1973). Aggression: A Social Learning Analysis. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.
Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory. New York: General Learning Press.
Bandura, A. (1969). Principles of Behavior Modification. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
Bandura, A., & Walters, R. (1963). Social Learning and Personality Development. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
Hagemann, A. (2021). Was Sie über Depressionen wissen sollten [What you should know about depression]. Meine Gesundheit [My health]. Hamburg, Germany: Die Neue Post, p. 54.
Kabbany, J. (2021, March 3). Kids are 10 times more likely to die of suicide than coronavirus, medical professor warns. The College Fix. “New research on kids we should have anticipated: Self-harm and overdoses increased 91-100%. Published this morning by @FAIRHealth @axios @caitlinnowens. Kids are 10X more likely to die of suicide than coronavirus. #OpenSchoolsNow to save lives.” Retrieved April 20, 2021, from https://www.thecollegefix.com/kids-are- 10-times-more-likely-to-die-of-suicide-than-coronavirus-medical-professor-warns/
Kardefelt-Winther, D. (2017, December). How does the time children spend using digital technology impact their mental well-being, social relationships and physical activity? An evidence-focused literature review. UNICEF. Innocenti Discussion Paper 2017-02.
Kelly, Y., Zilanawala, A., Booker, C., & Sacker, A. (2018). Social media use and adolescent mental health: Findings from the UK Millennium Cohort study. EClinicalMedicine. The LANCET, 6, 59-68. December 2018. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eclinm.2018.12.005. Retrieved April 14, 2021. From https://www.sciencediret.com/science/article/pii/S2589537018300609
Makary, M. (2021, March 2). New research on kids we should have anticipated: Self-harm and overdoses increased 91-100%. Published this morning by @FAIRHealth; @axios;
May, L. (2021, January 26). Social media triggers a sharp decline in teenagers' mental health, causing the most damage to the self-esteem of girls aged 14 to 17, study finds. DAILY MAIL. UK. Posted April, 22, 2021. MAILONLINE.
Miller, N., & Dollard, J. (1941). Social Learning and Imitation. New Haven, NJ: Yale University Press.
Smith, A (2021, April 21). Alberta opioid deaths still on rise as experts cite pandemic factors. The Calgary Herald, p. A7.
Note: The American Coaching Academy is a great Resource for Downloading exercises, games, and other fitness materials for minimal cost (and free posters!).
*** This helps you to be creative with your children at home and keep them motivated and busy!